Don't blame yourself when manifestation doesn’t work — you were sold the shortcut, not the practice

Photo: Mark Basarab / Unsplash

“I feel I have to heal my money wound. I have been doing these affirmations for so long and I still struggle” – W. said it in a flat voice, hunching slightly on a chair, staring at the floor, eyes glazed with tears. “I know it’s my fault and my responsibility to get myself out of this situation and I really don’t know how”. The second sentence struck me as cruel. A form of self-directed cruelty I have heard repeatedly in people who use distorted spirituality to explain painful experiences.

Have you ever found yourself with a similar dilemma as the one W. experienced – maybe you are wondering whether your vibrations are so low that you don’t attract the dream partner, job, house or holiday – or anything else you feel is lacking in your life? 

The feeling that something is not quite right in your life might be subtle and slightly dimmed, or it may jab you like a sharp spear. You wonder what is missing. You identify the problem – not enough money. Wrong job. Loneliness. So you look for ways to change it. And change it fast. And then you hear about the law of attraction, affirmations and visualisation, and – you have the answer! On the one hand – it cannot be that simple, you wonder, but on the other – you really want it to be just that – the magical spell of simply thinking your way to having all that you’re lacking. Because if you desire these things so much, if you can visualise them and describe them precisely, you must be on the right path, correct? Well, not necessarily.

As usual, the devil is in the details. We live in a culture of speed, productivity and consumption. And this fast pace and ever-present pressure of achievement are coloured with constant comparison. We don’t even realise when what we think we want is actually a result of discomfort, jealousy or repeated exposure to advertising rather than a genuine, personal desire. 

And there is nothing wrong with that. Our minds and will are very mouldable, and we are moved by urgency, avoidance and pain much more than we would like to admit. One thing that can give us a greater sense of agency over our lives is awareness. And with awareness, it becomes easier and more likely that we act with clarity, love, integrity and steadiness – the traits supporting a fulfilling life.

So what is it about the law of attraction that makes people claim it works? Firstly, let’s put it bluntly: thinking certain thoughts alone will not bring you safety, love, money and success. What is true is that your inner state influences your perception, choices, relationships and actions, which in turn changes your life. In other words: less magical thinking, more genuine self-development. 

You might wonder what this subject has to do with psychological well-being and mental health. To me, it is more connected than you might expect. Inner conflicts and psychological challenges often arise from a discord between how we feel and what we think we are and what we imagine we should be or feel. And we often want to ease this tension and discomfort quickly and permanently. ‘Solutions’ such as affirmations and visualisations promise quick fixes and ‘permanent relief’ but what they might actually bring about instead (if applied hastily and unthinkingly) are disillusionment, self-doubt, and even deeper desperation.

Affirmations, visualisations and the law of attraction carry an aura of spiritual truth rather than practical tools — which is part of their appeal, since people like to mistake spirituality for magic. And yet we expect them to behave like tools: the right thought in, the desired result out. Cause and effect.

When we want something, we often focus on the lack of that thing and the mind revolves around worries – when will I have it? Is it here yet? We’re trying to come up with ideas to manipulate reality in a way that will bring us what we crave. If I do this, if I control that, then I will get what I want. And if we don’t receive it, we cannot find peace because we have this deeply seated conviction that we really, really need it. We cannot be whole without it.

I notice that many self-help figures tend to mystify and conceal the mundane truth of how the law of attraction and affirmations work by adding to it a sense of the ultimate secret as well as the only solution to universal human longings. They package the ancient wisdom of everyday discipline and devotion to self-development in colourful wrapping paper of simplicity and magic, and spray it with the scent of newness. In practice, a magical shortcut does not exist and what lies behind the promise of affirmation has been described in ancient spiritual scriptures and passed on through centuries.

Another reason why many people don’t seem to get results of their manifesting efforts is that they focus on wishful thinking and fantasy instead of trust. I see this especially with the pressure to maintain a ‘good vibes only’ mindset, whose darker side is a tendency to ignore bad things and to pretend they cannot happen or – even worse – blaming ourselves for causing them with our ‘low vibrations’. 

And one of the biggest issues with manifestation is that sometimes we spend so many hours and days on visualisations, vision boards and repeating affirmations that we disengage from real life and avoid action – we stray from difficult conversations, we don’t apply for jobs, we don’t exercise, or we don’t learn new skills. We start to believe that the visualisation alone – which in a way can be quite emotionally satisfying – will create the outcome and we don’t feel the urgency to act. 

Repeating affirmations becomes just another kind of avoidance.

And then there is a naive view that the law of attraction, affirmations and manifestation promise certainty that life can be controlled and perfect. However, we can meditate, take care of our lives, be kind and loving, and work hard, and still experience illness, heartbreak and economic problems. The biggest risk is that the promise of ‘if you vibrate correctly, bad things won’t happen’ (or, even more disconcertingly, what I also heard: “you haven’t healed enough and this is why this happened to you, as a lesson”) may often leave people feeling that they somehow ‘failed’ spiritually. 

This can be a very painful thought and one that can create even deeper conflict within us. When we realise that even though we have applied all the practices, we still have not arrived at our destination, sometimes what we are left with is slowing down rather than rushing and pushing through. 

Maybe the answer is in the way we treat these practices? 

For W. to liberate herself from the guilt of ‘not vibrating high enough’, the first step would be to acknowledge her individual reality without sugar-coating it or reaching for shortcuts, rather than following a pseudo-spiritual trend.

In other words: if we dismantle the how without discarding the what and the why, we may be offered an opportunity to create a brand-new practice – one that is authentic, grounded and truly fulfilling.